Breastfeeding: Much Ado About Suckling

The columnist is once again going for cheap laughs at the expense of others in the debate over breastfeeding. You’d better check this out! You may be one of the ‘others’!

Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh. ~ W. H. Auden US (English-born) critic & poet (1907 – 1973)

I was astonished by the voracity and scope of the debate triggered by last Saturday’s Patch article, Where Do You Stand on Breastfeeding in Public?

There were 46 comments posted in the oftentimes heated, sometimes humorous deliberations; a sizeable response by any standards.

In Rantings And Other Despicable Acts In Three Part Harmony, a column I wrote for the Easton Patch in February of last year, I referenced an incident where I witnessed a young woman breastfeeding her baby at Starbuck’s in Easton. It was done in my usual playful, tongue-in-cheek style, but one reader who obviously missed my subtle humor took offense to my feigned shock at witnessing this stirring tribute to La Leche League International while enjoying my Triple Grande Cappuccino.

Amy, the reader who ‘didn’t get it’, responded as follows……………

“The Mass. Gen. Laws Ann. ch. 111 § 221 (2008) allows a mother to breastfeed her child in any public place or establishment or place which is open to and accepts or solicits the patronage of the general public and where the mother and her child may otherwise lawfully be present. The law also specifies that the act of a mother breastfeeding her child shall not be considered lewd, indecent, immoral or unlawful conduct and provides for a civil action by a mother subjected to a violation of this law.

You claim that it’s natural and you’re as open minded as the next guy (“or more so”? I think not!) yet you are ranting about it on a public forum. She was being discreet about it and presumably at no point did any of her breast or nipple show, so what’s it to you? Shame on you for being put out. Did it ever occur to you that she, too was taking a well-deserved break from what had already been a rather hectic day and her baby was hungry? Would you have preferred she do it in the cold car, or the dirty bathroom? Next time you see a nursing mother lawfully feeding her child in public, take your wife’s advice and look away.”

My response to this well-intentioned, yet sadly mislead young lady was……….

“Thank you for your comments, Amy. I appreciate you taking the time.

I’m not sure whether or not you’re a regular reader of my column. If you were, I think you’d understand that much of my ‘style’ is predicated on humor, much of it ‘tongue-in-cheek’.

In reality, I have no problem with breast feeding in public between a consenting adult and a minor under the age of two. Between two consenting adults? Now THAT I would have a problem with.”

I’m exceedingly thankful that Amy didn’t quite grasp the humorous intent of that column. I’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of it over the past year-and-a-half, having referenced it several times in subsequent columns.

For my money, one of the best comments posted to last Saturday’s article came from a reader, Janis, who proudly stated…………

“I breastfed my children and most of my friends did as well.”

I laughed for about five minutes after reading that and, being that it’s my nature to ‘jump on the wagon’, I responded…………

“Janis – most of your friends breastfed your children? The English language is a tricky bugger isn’t it?”

I’m not laughing at you, Janis. I’m laughing with you. But, then again, you may not think it’s all that funny; so I guess I’m laughing at you.

If you’d like updates on the aforementioned article or any other Norton Patch story, simply go to the article you’re interested in and scroll down to the bottom where you’ll see ‘Email me updates about this story’. Then if you’ll just enter your email address and click on ‘Keep me posted,’ you’ll be kept abreast of the situation.

Sorry! Sometimes I just can’t help myself!

Make it a great week!

Bob Havey is a freelance writer and a consummate trouble-maker. His column, The Way I See It, runs every other Wednesday at Norton Patch. Check out his author’s page on Facebook.

About this column: Facetious remarks, tongue-in-cheek comments, sarcasm and a touch of wisdom combined with a bizarre sense of humor are what you can expect in this column on Norton Patch. Related Topics: Bob Havey, Breast Feeding, Breastfeeding, Norton Patch, the view from here, and the way i see it

There Ain’t No Cure For The Summertime Blues!

The columnist has returned from two weeks on the southern coast of Maine with several coolers chock full of seafood. Now let’s see what he’s chock full of!

Babies don’t need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! I’ll go over to a little baby and say, “What are you doing here? You haven’t worked a day in your life!” ~ Steven Wright Well, I’m back. Or I guess I should say, we’re back, since I brought my wife home with me. I did my best to leave Maine without her, but she chased me down the road, pulled the door open and jumped in before I could get away. Of course that’s not true; just a small, feeble attempt at humor. In reality, I’m sure she’d much rather have stayed up in Maine.

I packed our SUV for our trip home, arranging and rearranging until, at last, I was able to cram everything in. When I finished there was barely enough room left for us!

Prior to our trip, we’d agreed not to pack everything we own and haul it up to Maine with us, but for some reason, which I believe is just part of the vacation mystique, we ended up with at least 50 percent more junk to haul back home – much of it gifts for our kids, their spouses and our grandkids and of course, a lot of the succulent bounty of the sea.

Speaking of seafood, and lobster in particular, my sister-in-law, Earline, who lives in Virginia, shot me an email after reading my July 18 column, Hangin’ With Larry The Lobster and asked, “So what happened to Larry?” Silly girl, she’s obviously been out of New England too long.

Larry met the fate of all lobsters that have been plucked from Maine’s icy waters. He was steamed and eaten – along with several more of his spiny little friends. I’m guessing I ate about a dozen of the tasty little crustaceans over our two week retreat, including the 18 that we brought home with us. Yup, you heard it right – 18 – eight hard shells, all of which were in the two-pound or above range, and 10 soft shells, each running around a pound-and-a-half. Yum!

We found a great place, Erica’s Seafood [named for the daughter of the owners], located on a commercial fishing wharf in Harpswell where lobsters were selling for $3.50/Lb. for soft shells and $5.00/Lb. for hard shells. Erica’s owners also operate a small seafood shack where we ate many of our meals. Great seafood at amazing prices! And all run by the nicest people you’d ever want to meet – salt of the earth.

We brought home a quart each of the homemade clam and seafood chowder we bought at Erica’s [that’s a half-gallon of chowder for those of you who are measurement-challenged], a pile of steamers freshly dug from the mud flats of Casco Bay and a few home-made Whoopie Pies, one of Maine’s most famous home grown gastronomic treats.

We also managed to procure some first-of-the-season corn at the Farmer’s Market in Brunswick, along with a few pounds of new-potatoes and some sea-salted caramels that we bought at a candy store in downtown Bath. The caramels were for our daughter-in-law, Karre. Apparently those tasty confections are on her ‘cravings’ list – she’s pregnant. Yuh, like that’s an excuse!

Needless to say, we had quite a feast when we got home. No wonder our family was so happy to see us!

So anyway, our vacation has come to an end and I suppose it’s time to get back to writing about more serious issues such as the local EEE threat, the ever-escalating battle over the adventure camp on Phenny’s Island, or something really exciting and provocative like the goings-on at the Water and Sewer Commission.

Yuh, like that’ll ever happen! There’s about as much chance that I’ll write about those things as there is that the last two-pound hard shell lobster sitting in my refrigerator will survive the night.

Talk to you later, I have to melt some butter.

Make it a great week!

Bob Havey is a freelance writer and a consummate trouble-maker. His column, The Way I See It, runs every other Wednesday at Norton Patch. Check out his author’s page on Facebook.

About this column: Facetious remarks, tongue-in-cheek comments, sarcasm and a touch of wisdom combined with a bizarre sense of humor are what you can expect in this column on Norton Patch.

Facing My Fears Because Of My Ears

In the third edition of his treatise on bullying, the columnist divulges his experiences with his personal fourth grade tormentor.

I had my bully, and it was excruciating. Not only the bully, but the intimidation I felt. ~ Robert Cormier Today is the Fourth of July and in my 40-plus years in the communications industry, mostly the newspaper business, I’ve learned there is one great truth above all others for those of us who pen words for a living; and that truth is this…

On July 4^th, no one reads your stuff!

Of course there are those who hunker down beneath their beach umbrella with a good book, but this isn’t a book and not too many people are dumb enough to take a laptop to the beach – sand!

I suppose there are those who may tap into the Norton Patch’s site on their smartphone or IPhone or whatever [my cellphone is just a phone – imagine that?], but still; it’s a holiday and you’re at the beach. You should be soaking up the rays, flailing around in the cool water and checking out all the hot chicks [or guys as the case may be].

So in this, my third column tackling the issue of bullying, I’ve decided to tell you about my personal bully; someone who will forever live in the dark, ugly recesses of my memory. His name was Gary Pike – and he harassed me for the better part of a year.

I was a tall, lanky, if not skinny kid at the Central School in Mansfield; a fourth grader who wanted nothing more than to go to school, put in my time and go home to play with my friends.  That doesn’t seem like a lot to ask, but Gary Pike had other plans for me.

Nearly every day as I left school and headed down Central Street on my way home, Gary Pike would come up behind me. “Hey big ears,” he’d yell. I always tried to make believe I didn’t hear him. I wanted no part of him. He was three times my size and had the disposition of a rabid honey badger.

Granted, I had big ears back then [I grew into them some years later]. They stuck out like two open doors on a car. But come on! Can a kid just walk down the street in peace? For me, the answer to that question was a definitive ‘No’ as long as Gary was within ear shot [pardon the pun].

My defense against this lummox was simple. I wasn’t a fighter. And even if I were, Gary would have pummeled me into sawdust. He was huge – and mean! So when he’d come up behind me, I’d turn around and stare him in the eye as he attempted to humiliate me. “Where ya goin, big ears?” He’d taunt relentlessly. “Goin’ home to mommy, big ears?”

Then there would usually be a long barrage of, “Big ears! Big ears! Big ears! Big ears!” Gary was large, but he wasn’t overly creative. I guess ‘big ears‘ was the best his rather feeble brain could come up with. I’m guessing he may have pursued a career in politics.

When Gary decided he’d had enough fun with me for the day, I’d turn and head toward home, none the worse for wear. Gary didn’t bother me. He was just a nuisance – someone I had to deal with as part of growing up.

As much as I despised him, I think I actually felt pity for Gary. Now that I look back on it, I think he was probably suffering on the inside, As the English actor Tom Hiddelston said, “When people don’t like themselves very much, they have to make up for it. The classic bully was actually a victim first.”

Now please don’t get me wrong. I would have loved nothing more than to have pounded the living crap out of ole’ Gary. Kind of like what Ralphie did to his long-time nemesis in A Christmas Story. You can be sure that every kid who’s ever been bullied stood and cheered after that scene. Way to go, Ralphie! You’re our hero!

As for Gary, I never saw him again after the school year ended. I guess his family moved away. I went on through grade school and into high school virtually unscathed by my year-long exploits with Gary.

I put on a lot of weight [and muscle] and, as I mentioned earlier, I grew into my ears.  I was still the same kid I was in the fourth grade – just a little older and, hopefully, a little wiser – and still not a fighter. It just wasn’t my style. I left the fighting to the football field, where I let out my aggression as an offensive and defensive tackle for the Mansfield Green Hornets.

Every so often, even until this day, I think about Gary. He’s a tough guy to forget. I often wonder what ever became of him. My first thought is that he ended up in prison, or maybe that’s just what the fourth-grader in me wants to believe.

As mean and nasty as he was, Gary would have made a great defensive lineman for his high school football team; assuming he made it that far. Or perhaps he became the Chuck Parson of John Green’s Young Adult novel, Paper Towns.

“Chuck Parson did not participate in organized sports, because to do so would distract from his larger goal of his life: to one day be convicted of murder”

Make it a great week!

Bob Havey is a freelance writer and a consummate trouble-maker. His column, The Way I See It, runs every other Wednesday at Norton Patch. Check out his author’s page on Facebook.

About this column: Facetious remarks, tongue-in-cheek comments, sarcasm and a touch of wisdom combined with a bizarre sense of humor are what you can expect in this column on Norton Patch. Related Topics: Bob Havey, Bullies, Bullying, Norton Patch, and the way i see it